Tired is a 5 letter word.....

Im tired....

...tired of arguing with my 12yr old in the morning.
...tired of things being a constant fight.
...tired of her smart mouth.
...tired of her thinking she knows more then me.
...tired of worrying about if she is acting like this towards other adults.
...tired of all the stress i get from the above.

just down right tired of all this. this was my morning today and im not a happy camper. sometimes i really hate being a parent.

i can go on about other things im tired of such as my health right now but im not...i think that says it all on how im doing.

i was tagged by knitting nana this past week and will get to that sometime soon...i havent forgotten about it.

hope your week is going better then mine. hugs

note: mood to the right does not reflect my current mood. for some reason im having trouble changing it on the main site.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

To all the mothers out there I wish you a very happy mothers day. this is your day!

my one request for my kiddo was to have her make my meals for me today just like i do for her everyday. so this morning she is making me her specialty (the one thing she does make on her own) quesadillas. for lunch i am feasting on some beautiful lobsters we picked up at the store yesterday for a great price and couldnt pass up ($6.99/lb for cooked)...all she has to do for this one is put it on a plate and let me go at it...stay away from my hands and mouth! lol for dinner i wanted her to be able to do something on her own again so i went simple and im easy to please....we are having hotdogs and macarroni salad. all she has to do is heat the hot dogs and set the table with everything and presto...she is done.

im looking forward to my day of not having to step into the kitchen and make something. after breakfast im going to watch The Fountain with Hugh Jackman in it (it comes out on tuesday) and then the NASCAR race that was delayed from yesterday due to rain. oh what a nice day this is going to be. oh...and survivor finally tonight is on also....GO EARL!

have a nice sunday...and again happy mothers day to you.

hugs

Smile, you're on candid camera.....

Have to tell you the evening I had last night.

after getting kiddo home from school, homework done, dinner for her and picking up hubby from work....we took kiddo to Cadets for her meeting. after that we decided we were just going to go and get a pizza from Sobeys (grocery store for those that dont know the chain) and then go home and relax until pick up time for the monster.

so we venture into the store to order our pizza at the deli register. as we are standing there the woman working in the area was doing her "chores" for end of day looking up at us with what i felt was an eyeroll and sigh of "cant you see i have better things to do then help customers" look. there wasnt a "hi, can i help you" or "hi, anything for that matter". we told her we wanted to order a pizza and again got the feeling we were bothering her. we ordered the pizza and then asked if we could pay for it now....we get a sigh out of her and she walks away to get the bar code for the pizza to be rung in, returns, scans it and tells me how much it will be. do the transaction...she gives me my recipts and nothing. i stand there and ask her "20 minutes?"..her reply was "yeah...about that". OMG she had some stick up her butt. through all that i was still polite to her knowing she was making my pizza. but i will say this....there is going to be a letter to the deli manager about this employee and her customer service skills or lack there of. if the pizza there wasnt so good and we had other places to go to for what we like i wouldnt go there cuz of this....but im going to complain...it was so not right and she shouldnt be working with customers if that is how she treats them....bad day or not.

so while we were waiting for our pizza we took a walk into the mall and down to the book store for a browse. as we were looking at books for kiddo i was standing infront of a section a good arms length back from the shelf but reading the book spines to see what was there. this "lady" that was also looking at books decided to move directly in front of me and start looking at books. when i say in front of me i mean like we were standing in some line to look at the shelf. i stood there in amazement with my jaw hanging in shock that this women is doing what she just did. I made the comment "gee, i was looking at book but i'll move over here". this women didnt even react to what i said ....NOTHING. i said my comment loud enough that hubby heard me and he actually saw what happened and was laughing at the whole thing on how oblivious this woman was to what she had done.

thinking back on this i should have tapped her on the shoulder and excused her for doing what she did or something like that. but then i was also laughing to myself about how silly all this was and how i felt like i had been on candid camera or just for laughs because it was just so strange and insane how this all went down. im still in a shock how this woman did this to me...just flabbergasted...or gobsmacked as hubby said.

when it was time to get kiddo we went early and got a treat on the way (Wendys frosty treat). I went in to get the kiddo noticing that a couple other parent were going in tonight so i thought i would follow in to see them practice there drill. when i got in there i scanned the kids and didnt see my daughter at first knowing i dropped her off wearing a purple sweatshirt and jeans. but there she was....IN UNIFORM! i was so proud when i saw her all dressed up in her cadet uniform. she looks so good in it being tall and thin like she is. she fit right in with all the other kids and she even said she liked it. oh what a difference a uniform makes on a person on how they act and carry themselves. when we got home she asked us to take some pictures of her so we did and i helped her hang everything perfect and neatly so we didnt have to do anything to the uniform since it was all pressed and fresh looking for the next meeting.

with all the stress around kiddo lately with her attitude and school work this moment made it all go away (for that bit). its funny how as your kid grows you remember all the good and happy times over the bad and rough time. im so proud of her and hope she really puts everything she has into this and becomes confident in who she is.

hope you have a great wednesday.....hugs

One foot infront of the other.....

hello from the cloud of depression.

things here are very very slowly looking better....as the saying goes...ONE DAY AT A TIME. I finished my first 2 weeks of the lower dose of antidepresents (sp?) and started the higher dose yesterday. I felt a little off all day...almost like a little queeziness but not quite nausous. its very hard to explain really...but on top of that it was the first day of march break here on the island for the kids.

she is already driving me nuts. but really and truly she is being well behaved with the exception of her mouth running a million miles a minute about everything and anything. wednesday will be my real test having her with me all day since i have take her to work with me because my boss obviously forgot it was march break and scheduled me the morning shift. oh well...i have a helper that day....give her something to do other then playing video games and watching tv.

I had lots of things I wanted to talk about but for some stupid reason i cant think of what it was now. its just a fuzzy mess.

hope all is well with you and your family. hugs

edit: just got done adding two/three pages worth of new pictures to my flickr account for veiwing if you like. all these were taken this past month and I had just not put them in until now.

Didnt chicken out....

Well, I went today to my dentist appointment. my head hurts right now from stress and anxiety and minor things done this morning. i did however chicken out of something. he also wanted to pull one of my molars that is beyond repair and i told him i would do it next week when i can prepare myself for it (im such a chicken shit). he thinks the pain im experiencing is from this tooth and wants to get it out before we move onto the other two teeth i thought i was having major problems with....the pain im having down toward those teeth is coming from this other one...go figure. he said after that tooth is pulled he wanted to see if the pain went away and if so we will crown those others since that is what i was to do with them almost a year ago. *sigh* i hate going to the dentist. one...because of the pain i have to endure every time i go even if i go just for a cleaning / check up ....there is always something. two...the cost of things when i let this stuff go. the extraction will only cost me $25'ish or so after my 80% is covered but the crowns are going to cost me over $500 each out of my own pocket after insurance....WTF? not sure what orifice im going to pull that money out of but it has to get done.

my next appointment is on tuesday morning to get that tooth pulled. not thrilled ..in fact...im nervous as hell ...but like i keep saying...it has to get done. arghhh.

on another note...I have to say how proud i am of my kiddo. i had mentioned before about us wanting her to try air cadets when she turns twelve. well....last night she went to one of their weekly meetings to see how she would like it (she is also going to go next week also). when we left her there we were both a little worried she wouldnt want to participate or not talk with people. we were so happy to see her smiling and happy when we got there to pick her up. some of the other girls were making it a point to say bye to her and even one of the boys came up to her and gave her a high five. she said she had a great time and even made some new friends (that is such an achievement for her since she normally doesnt open up to others). she says she really liked it and wants to join just after this first week. but we want her to go to 2 more meetings to really see how it is only because each week during the month is a little different. last night was mostly about how to care for your uniform (which she wont have until we sign her up), how to iron, polishing your shoes, and how your hair should be worn. the is happy that she wont have to pull it back in a bun since her hair is short and about the collar. next week from what i know they are having regular cadet class time which range from classes on airplane engines, weather, drill, being a good citizen, etc. if she chooses she can also learn an instrument there and be in the band they have for marching. i was very pleased with what i saw last night and hope this is something that will help her grow in confidence and make some friends. next week we will get the paper work to fill out and with one more meeting after that she will have her uniform for her first official meeting three days after her birthday.

so with both of those things going on in my head my thoughts go from being very proud of kiddo to full of anxiety over my teeth problems. oh the joys of ups and downs.

fun fact about me: I prefer fountain soda/pop over bottle or can.

have a good rest of your day.....hugs

edit.....i told hubby i did a post that was about a little bit of everything. he asked if put how handsome he was in my blog. i laughed and told her "no, wasnt talking about him". he replied that i had just told him i wrote a post that was a little bit about EVERYTHING and i should edit my post. so there you go sweetie....i mentioned how sexy and handsome you are. oh and did i mention how funny you are?.....FUNNY LOOKING!!! bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaa :p~~

This, That and maybe a little bit more.....

Yesterday seemed like the longest day to me. after I dropped off hubby and kiddo where they had to be i went down to the waterfront, parked the car and watched a large cargo ship unload whatever it was onto trucks down below on the dock. that lasted about a hour until i realized i hadnt taken my knee pill yet and if i didnt get it in soon i would only be able to get 2 in not 3....so off i went back home to veg.

if you were wondering about or who i was mad at yesterday that made me feel like i wanted to commit myself to the crazy house it was kiddo. no details....lets just say she is pushing her "im almost a teenager" attitude a bit too far with me in the mornings...and im so not a morning person. hubby is actually the one helping me through all this. i feel like he is walking on eggshells though around me for fear im going to explode towards him (although i have snapped a few times at him but only out of frustration of whatelse is going on around me).

on top of all that...im still harboring that anger towards the ASSHOLE (the ex). i just cant seem to let it go and here its been 5 years now since me or my daughter has seen his ugly mug. anyway....thats part of my emotions.

my knee stuff still. and now for the past month i have been denying the pain i have been having in my mouth on the back bottom side of my mouth. its now i think getting to a point i cant ignore it anymore and it just terrifies me to have to go to the dentist. so that stress isnt helping me either.

going back to work saturday is stressing me out also....and thoughts of whether or not i really need this $200-$300 extra a month job is nagging me and i dont know what to do. its not like i work a lot....2-3 shifts a week...but still. i have to go back and see how my knee does and just go from there.

plus i have to at least stick it out until summertime. dont need us in the hole any farther then we are or the little summer trip we are planning isnt going to happen. that is going to be covered by our tax return for the most part but still have to have another thousand to cover it all. more about this another time.

i go back to the doctors in 3 weeks and i think im going to have to talk to him about my depression again and i really do think i have to get on something to help. the rollercoaster of emotions has been getting worse the past few months and the episodes seem to be staying longer. yay...more pills!!

oh...btw...the weather today is frigid... the last on the radio i heard it was -20c with a windchill of -35c. BURRRRRR! and no...they didnt cancel school either. the radio station was getting so many calls (like they control the school board) asking if they just didnt read it or people missed the closers. nope...school was a go today.

so off i took them to work and school.... i came back home instead of going out to the grocery store and freezing anymore than I already was and took a nice hot shower and some breakfast before popping onto here to bitch and whine...lol the store isnt going anywhere and we arent in any great need for anything specific at this moment.

oh i could go on about tv stuff and other celebrity gossip but then you would be reading another full page and i can ramble on endlessly especially when im all emotional and stuff. so im not.

but i will leave you with this little fun fact about me....

my favorite icecream is: rainbow sherbet