California Girl in PEI

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

feeling lost......

not sure how im writing this right now...and exactly what to say.

my step dad of 25yrs passed way last night at home peacefully after suffering a long battle after having a major stroke a few years ago. everything kept going down hill for him after that. he was a strong, funny and active man until all that hit him. he took it very hard he couldnt work anymore and just withdrew. the past year has been really hard for my mom taking care of him. his breathing was always the big problem. we knew this day was coming but it always hurts when they leave us. I know now he is in a better place now.

i worry about my mom now and how she is going to deal with all this. she is strong...or at least comes off strong but i know how she is deep down....and im so sad for her right now. she is so tired ...the past week has been the hardest for her having had harold on hospice care in their bedroom. I cant imagine and dont know if i could do it myself when and if that time ever comes.

the littlest one in all this....ashley. 5 yrs old and adores Harold and helped care for him as best she could. my mom told me she is lost right now and is asking where he is. she wasnt home when all this went down yesterday and when she got home he was gone. im in tears thinking about how she must feel loosing her buddy who listened to her and loved to have her help do things.

i know this was expected but i cant stop feeling sad and crying. THIS SUCKS! i just cant get accept death. never have....and i dont think i ever well. i hate going to funerals and wakes. i have only been to a few of them only due to the fact they were family. other then that...i avoid them just because i cant deal with death. you Harold.