hurting heart....
Ever have one of those moments you just wish you were a kid again and go home to mom and she will take care of you and all things will be good? meaning....she will just hug you and make you feel loved and nothing will ever hurt or bother you for that moment.
on my way to the store today listening to my satalite radio i was listening to Ozzy. yes Ozzy happened to be on my shuffle channel that plays everything. anyway...the song....mama im coming home was on.....which i love and i was singing along while i was driving. i get to the store and had to finish listening to the song....singing away as the song builds up to the big finish. for a split second i had that feeling of wanting my mom. might be because i miss her often even though when i lived in california i only saw her maybe once a month or so...but not years apart like it is now. i have only seen my mom twice now since i moved to canada....one being a few days back in march of 2005 for my grandmas funeral and then a few days that same summer when we were on vacation in california.
we talk often for the most part. some weeks we talk several times....and other times its weeks before we talk. its been a couple weeks now since i last talked to her and for whatever reason i want her to call me. the moments i want to call its normally 5am in the morning for her so i dont and then as the day goes on i dont think about it. she also thinks of call me but its too late here when she says she wants to. four hour time difference between here and there so it makes it hard sometimes.
anyway....feeling a bit down today and missing my mom. i have never been very close with my family but as i get older and they get older i find myself wanting this in my life. but now living so far away its not that easy and i just get depressed thinking about things.
hubby says he has noticed that i get a little depressed around halloween every year. this might be cuz me and my sisters always went to Knotts Berry Farm for their Haunt and i miss it terribly since it was something i did every year since i was a teenager until 2002 when i moved here. And then comes the holidays...we didnt do much but a day for thanksgiving and a day or two at christmas but still was a day to be with everyone.
i really do think its age and watching my daughter grow up hoping she will love me unconditionally like i love my mom even though we were never truly that close. she is much closer wtih my sisters cuz they always lived near each other ( i was a hour and a half away when i lived in cali) and i was jealous of the time they spent going out to lunch and shopping at target just to get stuff.
i dont know why this hurts so much to write but it does. i miss my mom a lot today and i feel it in my heart. normally i just bottle it up and go about my day not thinking about this stuff cuz i have my life to live now.
anyway....i needed to get this out somehow and this was the place. sorry to bore you or make you sad but my heart hurts today. cant wait to see hubby and get a hug...cuz i sure need one right now (also come tissue).
love you
on my way to the store today listening to my satalite radio i was listening to Ozzy. yes Ozzy happened to be on my shuffle channel that plays everything. anyway...the song....mama im coming home was on.....which i love and i was singing along while i was driving. i get to the store and had to finish listening to the song....singing away as the song builds up to the big finish. for a split second i had that feeling of wanting my mom. might be because i miss her often even though when i lived in california i only saw her maybe once a month or so...but not years apart like it is now. i have only seen my mom twice now since i moved to canada....one being a few days back in march of 2005 for my grandmas funeral and then a few days that same summer when we were on vacation in california.
we talk often for the most part. some weeks we talk several times....and other times its weeks before we talk. its been a couple weeks now since i last talked to her and for whatever reason i want her to call me. the moments i want to call its normally 5am in the morning for her so i dont and then as the day goes on i dont think about it. she also thinks of call me but its too late here when she says she wants to. four hour time difference between here and there so it makes it hard sometimes.
anyway....feeling a bit down today and missing my mom. i have never been very close with my family but as i get older and they get older i find myself wanting this in my life. but now living so far away its not that easy and i just get depressed thinking about things.
hubby says he has noticed that i get a little depressed around halloween every year. this might be cuz me and my sisters always went to Knotts Berry Farm for their Haunt and i miss it terribly since it was something i did every year since i was a teenager until 2002 when i moved here. And then comes the holidays...we didnt do much but a day for thanksgiving and a day or two at christmas but still was a day to be with everyone.
i really do think its age and watching my daughter grow up hoping she will love me unconditionally like i love my mom even though we were never truly that close. she is much closer wtih my sisters cuz they always lived near each other ( i was a hour and a half away when i lived in cali) and i was jealous of the time they spent going out to lunch and shopping at target just to get stuff.
i dont know why this hurts so much to write but it does. i miss my mom a lot today and i feel it in my heart. normally i just bottle it up and go about my day not thinking about this stuff cuz i have my life to live now.
anyway....i needed to get this out somehow and this was the place. sorry to bore you or make you sad but my heart hurts today. cant wait to see hubby and get a hug...cuz i sure need one right now (also come tissue).
love you
posted by CaliGirl at
10:51 a.m.
