my heart is sad and no sleep....
Alec Anthony is his name...born saturday February 25th 2006 around 9am in the morning.....2 months premature. he is fine with the exception of need for his lungs to mature and needing to be under a light...which are all common for premmies.
this young fella was born to my sister (M.S.). yep...the one that STILL hasnt told me she's pregnant. my heart is broken that she has done this to me and now this....he was born early.
i only found out last night (sunday) after calling my mom just to check in and see how everything is going with her and my stepdad. he answered the phone and told me my mom wasnt home and was visiting M.S. i questioned it cuz they all live in the same house and he told me she had her baby the day before. i could only reply..."oh!? well tell mom to call me when she gets home." and then asked if everything was ok...he didnt know much...but then i told him i was mad at M.S. and he didnt know why...i told him that she hadnt told me she was pregnant and i was hurt and sad by it and he was in shock that she did that to me and doesnt blame me for being upset.
my mom called about 30 mins later and i asked how the baby was and so on. then we had basic chit chat about things. even telling her about my overdose on the cold meds (not an allergic reaction per my dr.) and she didnt seem to care one bit. my heart sunk even more feeling like i didnt belong in this family.
hubby says i should still send my sister a card or something with a little letter in it. he doesnt wasnt me to go off on her but just to tell her how much she has hurt me over all this and leave it at that. my thoughts ran all night over this...i wrote so many different versions of this letter in my head during the night. i slept maybe a 3-4 hours...which doesnt work for me.
today i went to buy a card for the her and her family but couldnt find one. i had such a hard time finding something that didnt make me sick to my stomach about being happy for them ...blah blah blah. so...i didnt get one yet.
i had one whole hour of not thinking about this last night during my exercise class which was really fun. had a great time with just a little bit of soreness today. the class im taking......get this.....belly dancing! it was so fun and we laughed a lot of the class (no not at ourselves) about how odd the moves were trying to do them for the first time.
anyway...i have said some prayers for Alec and also my sister. i just want to be able to forgive her for this and yet more anger (and sadness) inside me that is tearing me apart.
so....for me to say im doing ok today i would be lying. i feel like shit and my heart hurts...im on the edge of crying and i cant seem to smile. my depression is quickly taking over.
hugs to you....and hopes your day is better then mine
this young fella was born to my sister (M.S.). yep...the one that STILL hasnt told me she's pregnant. my heart is broken that she has done this to me and now this....he was born early.
i only found out last night (sunday) after calling my mom just to check in and see how everything is going with her and my stepdad. he answered the phone and told me my mom wasnt home and was visiting M.S. i questioned it cuz they all live in the same house and he told me she had her baby the day before. i could only reply..."oh!? well tell mom to call me when she gets home." and then asked if everything was ok...he didnt know much...but then i told him i was mad at M.S. and he didnt know why...i told him that she hadnt told me she was pregnant and i was hurt and sad by it and he was in shock that she did that to me and doesnt blame me for being upset.
my mom called about 30 mins later and i asked how the baby was and so on. then we had basic chit chat about things. even telling her about my overdose on the cold meds (not an allergic reaction per my dr.) and she didnt seem to care one bit. my heart sunk even more feeling like i didnt belong in this family.
hubby says i should still send my sister a card or something with a little letter in it. he doesnt wasnt me to go off on her but just to tell her how much she has hurt me over all this and leave it at that. my thoughts ran all night over this...i wrote so many different versions of this letter in my head during the night. i slept maybe a 3-4 hours...which doesnt work for me.
today i went to buy a card for the her and her family but couldnt find one. i had such a hard time finding something that didnt make me sick to my stomach about being happy for them ...blah blah blah. so...i didnt get one yet.
i had one whole hour of not thinking about this last night during my exercise class which was really fun. had a great time with just a little bit of soreness today. the class im taking......get this.....belly dancing! it was so fun and we laughed a lot of the class (no not at ourselves) about how odd the moves were trying to do them for the first time.
anyway...i have said some prayers for Alec and also my sister. i just want to be able to forgive her for this and yet more anger (and sadness) inside me that is tearing me apart.
so....for me to say im doing ok today i would be lying. i feel like shit and my heart hurts...im on the edge of crying and i cant seem to smile. my depression is quickly taking over.
hugs to you....and hopes your day is better then mine
posted by CaliGirl at
10:00 a.m.
