thoughts of a depressed mind.......
sometimes i hate being a parent.....
last night i had just about enough of kiddos attitude she has when we say or ask her something. its snotty and disrespectful. last night hubby was talking to her and she got all snotty (i was in the living room) and she kept arguing with him and her tone was unexceptible. he let it keep going as i listened from the other room i was getting mad that he was doing this. i waited for some form of a break in their "discussion" and went off on both of them. i told him he had to stop arguing the point with her and then i told her no more tv or games and bed time was now in 30 mins (it was just about 8pm them)...she got all in a huff and started her shit with me...i didnt have it...and told her fine...its NOW bed time. will...she didnt like this and was in her room crying....hubby went into her room to make sure she understood why she was going to be early and had her get ready for bed. she was so upset and was crying big time. at one point though she got all drama queen on us to make sure we could hear her. she was so mad at me that when she was ready for bed she ask hubby to tuck her into bed and he asked her if she got her hug and kiss from me....she said no...she doesnt want one and went into her room. that made me feel like shit and broke my heart. this is the first time she has ever done that to me.
since my divorce from her father i have made a promise to her and myself that would never make her cry like he did after he left. for months after he left she would cry herself to sleep and i had to comfort her through all this time trying to be strong for her. it broke my heart to hear her cry like that. i used to cry after she was finally asleep because of the pain she was going through that was caused by the choices me and her father made to divorce....and them him up and leaving the state abandoning her and his duties as her father.
last night was the first time she has cried like that for a long time and it broke my heart to know i did that to her. but she has to understand that we wont tolorate snotty attitude and badmouth talking to us. all this has me in a crap mood today and feeling like a bad parent. i know there are things we must do as parents to raise our children right...but i hate seeing her cry.
then while i was laying in bed last night thinking about all this i started to think about her shit ass father and how he hasnt paid any form of child support for december or january now. he was doing ok for a few months sending something for her...but now has stopped again. when i send him his monthly statement we are also sending him a notice that the next month he doesnt send at least half of what he owes her im starting to look into legal help for getting the support he owes. im tired of this shit...he owes her almost $11k now...just makes him look like such a hypocrite from what he used to say about others we knew that did this to their kids. i dont know this person anymore and i cant believe i ever wasted 15 years of my life with this person. ASSHOLE!
thennn...i started to think about my mom and if she is ever going to come visit me here. we have offered to pay for half her ticket and everything. then i thought...she wont come...she is my middle sisters (MS) slave and cant leave or there will be nobody to watch her kids.
that thought led me to remember that my mom did mention that IF she did come it would have to be sometime after april or end of may AFTER my MS has her baby. that got me thinking again about how she still has never told me she is pregnant....BITCH! yes....im your sister.....your big sister and you treat me like shit...like someone who isnt part of your family. i understand we dont talk much (but you do do a lot for kiddo).....but for you MS to not tell me you are pregnant and due in april is shamefull and a slap in the face. im beyond hurt.
*sigh* with that and how im feeling i was to have a dentist appointment today to work on that front tooth that i still havent gone to finish. i called and cancelled it. its reset for next tuesday morning.
i think when we go out this weekend we are going to "cab" it so i can drink drink drink. i really need to just drown my crap. i know that sounds bad and i know it wont solve anything but every now and then its nice to just forget things. i hardly ever drink when we go out...im always the driver (he doesnt drive)...so if i want to drink at all we either take a cab or get a ride with someone. i dont know...my mood might change by the time we go out friday night.
have a nice hump day ....and hugs
last night i had just about enough of kiddos attitude she has when we say or ask her something. its snotty and disrespectful. last night hubby was talking to her and she got all snotty (i was in the living room) and she kept arguing with him and her tone was unexceptible. he let it keep going as i listened from the other room i was getting mad that he was doing this. i waited for some form of a break in their "discussion" and went off on both of them. i told him he had to stop arguing the point with her and then i told her no more tv or games and bed time was now in 30 mins (it was just about 8pm them)...she got all in a huff and started her shit with me...i didnt have it...and told her fine...its NOW bed time. will...she didnt like this and was in her room crying....hubby went into her room to make sure she understood why she was going to be early and had her get ready for bed. she was so upset and was crying big time. at one point though she got all drama queen on us to make sure we could hear her. she was so mad at me that when she was ready for bed she ask hubby to tuck her into bed and he asked her if she got her hug and kiss from me....she said no...she doesnt want one and went into her room. that made me feel like shit and broke my heart. this is the first time she has ever done that to me.
since my divorce from her father i have made a promise to her and myself that would never make her cry like he did after he left. for months after he left she would cry herself to sleep and i had to comfort her through all this time trying to be strong for her. it broke my heart to hear her cry like that. i used to cry after she was finally asleep because of the pain she was going through that was caused by the choices me and her father made to divorce....and them him up and leaving the state abandoning her and his duties as her father.
last night was the first time she has cried like that for a long time and it broke my heart to know i did that to her. but she has to understand that we wont tolorate snotty attitude and badmouth talking to us. all this has me in a crap mood today and feeling like a bad parent. i know there are things we must do as parents to raise our children right...but i hate seeing her cry.
then while i was laying in bed last night thinking about all this i started to think about her shit ass father and how he hasnt paid any form of child support for december or january now. he was doing ok for a few months sending something for her...but now has stopped again. when i send him his monthly statement we are also sending him a notice that the next month he doesnt send at least half of what he owes her im starting to look into legal help for getting the support he owes. im tired of this shit...he owes her almost $11k now...just makes him look like such a hypocrite from what he used to say about others we knew that did this to their kids. i dont know this person anymore and i cant believe i ever wasted 15 years of my life with this person. ASSHOLE!
thennn...i started to think about my mom and if she is ever going to come visit me here. we have offered to pay for half her ticket and everything. then i thought...she wont come...she is my middle sisters (MS) slave and cant leave or there will be nobody to watch her kids.
that thought led me to remember that my mom did mention that IF she did come it would have to be sometime after april or end of may AFTER my MS has her baby. that got me thinking again about how she still has never told me she is pregnant....BITCH! yes....im your sister.....your big sister and you treat me like shit...like someone who isnt part of your family. i understand we dont talk much (but you do do a lot for kiddo).....but for you MS to not tell me you are pregnant and due in april is shamefull and a slap in the face. im beyond hurt.
*sigh* with that and how im feeling i was to have a dentist appointment today to work on that front tooth that i still havent gone to finish. i called and cancelled it. its reset for next tuesday morning.
i think when we go out this weekend we are going to "cab" it so i can drink drink drink. i really need to just drown my crap. i know that sounds bad and i know it wont solve anything but every now and then its nice to just forget things. i hardly ever drink when we go out...im always the driver (he doesnt drive)...so if i want to drink at all we either take a cab or get a ride with someone. i dont know...my mood might change by the time we go out friday night.
have a nice hump day ....and hugs
posted by CaliGirl at
10:18 a.m.
