I love you Grandma.... (long post)
What a day today. party went great...Got way more sales then I expected to and got $68 in free product. With all the things I wanted to order minus the free dollar amount I paid $15 for all my stuff. WOW.
it was a long hard day though going through the party with things on my mind.
got a call from mom at 10:30am this morning telling me my grandma was in ICU back in California. Something about her having an infection in her pancreas. she had a bad stomach ache on friday and went to the doctor that afternoon and was admitted into the hospital for tests. from friday to saturday it hit her hard. my aunt told me, when i called her after talking to my mom that they had just put her on the resperators to help her breath. the doctors were only giving her 20% chance to clear the infection and come around.
i went through my party in a haze...not really enjoying myself ...but happy to have people around just to keep from falling apart and my mind off that stuff for a couple hours. each time the phone rang i cringed with the fear of hearing bad news.
well....my aunt called at about 8:30pm to tell me that they put her on life support and that they were waiting for the priest to do last rights. we all agree that none of us want to be on life support for a long time and if thats it...then thats it. so....im waiting to hear from my aunt or my mom to know that her time here is over.
i know that people are in peace when they die...or want to hope so.....but....i hate the pain and sadness it brings to those that lose that person. my heart is aching so much right now and all the "shes in a better place" B.S. and blah blah blah doesnt make me feel better. i hate losing people in my life. my family is small and getting smaller as of today (or tomorrow).
yes i know now she well be with my grandpa who passed 5 years ago. she hasnt been the same since he died. neither have I. he was a wonderful man that made me laugh and had the best humor of any person that has come into my life. my grandma....she is the one who taught me how to sew...how to bake...all those things grandmas do for young girls.
all this makes my heart hurt so bad. my eyes are so sore and red from crying on and off all day. my daughter was trying to comfort me by rubbing my back telling me to breath and take deep breathes...and telling me its ok. i cried more with her doing that knowing how much she cared and didnt want to see her mom crying.
hubby is so loving also...making sure im ok...just there to hug me when i need one. he kept telling me during the party that if i needed to leave out of the room he would take over and be host. what a sweetie.
so...im now waiting to hear from them. i have to figure out now if i can afford to go back to california or not. all our money is tied up for our vacation this summer. we can pull $500 or so out...but from what we are finding online...i cant seem to get anything cheaper then $800 before all the fees. i dont know. plus...when we do have a service for my grandma it well have to be over the weekend cuz my mom. one of my sisters depends on her to help care for her kids and she has to be there during the weekday. (long story behind this stuff... and really bad timing for all this to be happening for them).
my heart aches......its so hard not to start crying...my head hurts....oh yeah...and tomorrow is valentines day. great! i most likely be planning my flight plans to california and crying all day.
anyway...enough of my rambling and crying on here. love you all....
remember to tell those you love that you love them ...EVERYDAY...you never know what may happen the next.
hugs everyone............
ps....I love you grandma...give grandpa a kiss and hug for me and tell him i miss him too.
it was a long hard day though going through the party with things on my mind.
got a call from mom at 10:30am this morning telling me my grandma was in ICU back in California. Something about her having an infection in her pancreas. she had a bad stomach ache on friday and went to the doctor that afternoon and was admitted into the hospital for tests. from friday to saturday it hit her hard. my aunt told me, when i called her after talking to my mom that they had just put her on the resperators to help her breath. the doctors were only giving her 20% chance to clear the infection and come around.
i went through my party in a haze...not really enjoying myself ...but happy to have people around just to keep from falling apart and my mind off that stuff for a couple hours. each time the phone rang i cringed with the fear of hearing bad news.
well....my aunt called at about 8:30pm to tell me that they put her on life support and that they were waiting for the priest to do last rights. we all agree that none of us want to be on life support for a long time and if thats it...then thats it. so....im waiting to hear from my aunt or my mom to know that her time here is over.
i know that people are in peace when they die...or want to hope so.....but....i hate the pain and sadness it brings to those that lose that person. my heart is aching so much right now and all the "shes in a better place" B.S. and blah blah blah doesnt make me feel better. i hate losing people in my life. my family is small and getting smaller as of today (or tomorrow).
yes i know now she well be with my grandpa who passed 5 years ago. she hasnt been the same since he died. neither have I. he was a wonderful man that made me laugh and had the best humor of any person that has come into my life. my grandma....she is the one who taught me how to sew...how to bake...all those things grandmas do for young girls.
all this makes my heart hurt so bad. my eyes are so sore and red from crying on and off all day. my daughter was trying to comfort me by rubbing my back telling me to breath and take deep breathes...and telling me its ok. i cried more with her doing that knowing how much she cared and didnt want to see her mom crying.
hubby is so loving also...making sure im ok...just there to hug me when i need one. he kept telling me during the party that if i needed to leave out of the room he would take over and be host. what a sweetie.
so...im now waiting to hear from them. i have to figure out now if i can afford to go back to california or not. all our money is tied up for our vacation this summer. we can pull $500 or so out...but from what we are finding online...i cant seem to get anything cheaper then $800 before all the fees. i dont know. plus...when we do have a service for my grandma it well have to be over the weekend cuz my mom. one of my sisters depends on her to help care for her kids and she has to be there during the weekday. (long story behind this stuff... and really bad timing for all this to be happening for them).
my heart aches......its so hard not to start crying...my head hurts....oh yeah...and tomorrow is valentines day. great! i most likely be planning my flight plans to california and crying all day.
anyway...enough of my rambling and crying on here. love you all....
remember to tell those you love that you love them ...EVERYDAY...you never know what may happen the next.
hugs everyone............
ps....I love you grandma...give grandpa a kiss and hug for me and tell him i miss him too.
posted by CaliGirl at
10:34 p.m.
